Walking Disaster.

Okay, well that went horribly wrong,

My ex found my blogs...

She wasn't happy...

Had to delete my last blog....

But other than that...

Everything is the same. My hate for my family is just growing more and more intense and i don't know who, if anybody, is telling me the truth anymore. I went for a drive with my dad the other night and he sat there telling me how his new phone is a "business" phone and i just sat there thinking, your digging yourself a hole, I've seen the texts on that phone theres no way im the only one who calls you "socially" on it.

The arguments at home are getting worse and worse and my sleeping pattern is fucked up because of them. They keep me up till gone one in the morning and so i get a maximum of 6 hours a sleep on a school night, not even that because usually i don't get to sleep until about 3, what a pisstake right.

Y'know, my home life i think is actually driving my crazy. Do you remember me telling you a rumor about me which i said was lies?..well it wasn't. well parts of it were and parts weren't. I'm actually thinking of it as an option now and it suprises me, just like i'm sure it'll surprise you.

School is still the same. Just dragging myself through eachday, but they seem to get harder and longer. and soon i wont be able to drag myself and ill just give up. I still feel my friends don't want me and that I get in there way when I'm there and that they don't realise when I'm not. I wonder to myself sometimes that when i leave this place, how long it'll take them to realise I'm not there and whether they'll actually care.

That really sums up life at the moment for me. Can't really think of much good in my life, if it is a life I'm living.

"I'm sorry mum but i don't miss you,
fathers no name you deserve.
I'm just a kid with no ambitions
wouldn't come home for the world."

What Do You Want From Me?

Okay so...

Life is shit.

Night after every damn night, i sit listening to my parents in the other room arguing endlessly. Even as i type this there they are my drunken mother shouting at my fat deluded father to get out of this house. My dad has locked himself in the front room and my mother is banging on the door. I wish they would hurry up and leave.

And when I'm not at home i have to put up with the endless torture of Davenant Foundation School. Sure I've got my friends, but my education is turning to shit, I had a Chemistry exam yesterday. I got 2 E's. Not so great. Half the teachers in the school hate me due to my older brothers views and how just because I'm a Goodman I must be trouble. Well thats not entirely not true, the other teachers which hate me are because i have a short temper you see and get pissed off rather easy, so when the piss me off i usually say something. Not too good. But even when I'm not in a lesson i don't understand with a teacher who i wish would all off a high-rised building, I'm still stuck, trapped in this world which i hate. This life i despise.

"One day the mask will break and you will all see the smile i put on fade into nothing."

I pretend to be happy but when it comes down to it, I'm not. There is always a part of me longing just to end it. But it's the people that matter most to me, my friends who keep me going. Who find me when the mask slips a bit and put it back into place.

Its them i hope to see. It's them i love.

I find myself day after day sitting here at this computer waiting for something to happen, I don't know what i want to happen or when it's going to happen or even if it's GOING to happen but i still sit here waiting for it to happen. And one day hopefully, It will.

Stuck In A Coma

Right so, first blog..

What. A. Week.

Just to start it off the night before i go back to school, my girlfriend breaks up with me. It didn't hit me how much i would miss her until the next day so i was just in a indifferent mood i guess. I was depressed but not if that makes any sense. I can't really blame her for doing it, i mean i can't say i was the perfect boyfriend. I just wanted to be with her 24/7 but now i can't even bare to talk to her properly at school. I just want to hold her in my arms and call her mine but I'm afraid to hug her now incase i can't let go. I trusted her with my heart but she broke it.

"Oceans apart day after day And I slowly go insane I hear your
voice on the line But it doesn't stop the pain "

So, if that wasn't a bad enough start to the week for you, next it turns out my best friend has told everyone that i asked her out. Okay i can admit to that but i didn't mean it seriously, it was just a little joke i thought she got. Obviously not.

Okay so my week doesn't sound that bad i guess but then if that rumor was that bad this one will. It turns out that I smoke now apparently. Someone spread yet another rumor saying how i smoke and how i hand out cigarettes to one of my mates. Lies. I can't believe people would actually think i would do something like that. Even most of my best friends believe it.

I'm sure i could've dealt with this stupid, long week at school if it wasn't for the shitty homelife I'm not even gonna go into.

But looking on the bright side of things, After 3 and a half long months of ignoring 2 of my closest friends i have started talking to them again, thanks to a miss Ham who after long arguments over msn, through chemistry and geography lessons finally persuaded me too. I'm actually so happy that she did, otherwise this week would have been a complete waste.

"Stuck with no escape, and slowly suffocating."

Oh well, life goes on..